An essential self-love post break-up letter

Recovering from a break up is hard if you keep re-living the past and if it has left you as a wreck, sobbing your way through life because you can’t seem to forget how and who you were before you got screwed over by this particular someone.

You’ve been through conversations with your friends and they probably told you the same things over and over about how good it was that he has let you go because he was no good anyway. But that doesn’t seem to make you feel better. You read all the self-help books in the world and you even went home to your parents to cry on your mother’s lap about how messed up your love life is.

There’s only one thing all these advises have in common. It’s the fact that they show you that you first need to love yourself in order to be able to first get over the break-up and then to start dating again.

It might take you a year, maybe two. But it can also take you a few weeks to get over someone. It doesn’t mean this person meant more or less to you than it would to someone who takes years to get over someone. It just depends on how well you are at letting go and how fast you understand that you need to do everything to give love to yourself first in order to move on.

The most important thing is to surround yourself first with people you feel comfortable with and with people who truly love you. This can be your best friend, your brother, your parents,..

It’s not easy to be alone in the first stages of going through a break-up. This means it’s okay to surround yourself with other people first and soak in the genuine love they give you for who you really are.

Do things you like and that make you feel comfortable. I remember going through a break-up, I first bought all the books that were on my wish list for a very long time. I made dinner the way I wanted and had a massage. I started meditation and yoga and I became a more enlightened, better version of the person I truly was. Things that made me feel comfortable in the stage of being completely broken, has turned me into an even better and stronger person than I ever was to begin with because I let go of heartbreak by loving myself.

Focusing on my career wasn’t only something I really had to do in order to survive. It was also some sort of escape because I wasn’t really feeling like I meant something to this world. In some way, I felt suppressed and neglected for who I truly was and I never had a change to develop my own future apart from someone else’s opinion about it. I had to take my own chances, pave my own road, make my own choices. Accomplishing this was a huge step forward as it showed me that I was a lot more independent than I thought. It showed me that I can survive on my own and that I don’t need anyone.

Not needing anyone doesn’t mean you don’t want anyone. It simply means that you won’t settle for less than you deserve anymore.

Did you ever make a list about what you look for in someone else? I think at one point, we all did this, right? It’s also important to make a list of all the things you have to give to someone else.

We all have these great features. Like, I’m a funny person, I’m loving and I’m tough. I care a lot about other people and I don’t mind being vulnerable because in some way, this is also my strength.

There are probably a few more things I can list about myself and it feels good to be aware of all the great things you can offer to someone else. And instead of making lists about what you want in a man, but actually not knowing your own worth, I would advise you to make that list of why someone else would love you. This allows you to grow your self-worth and makes you attract love because you are constantly giving it to yourself in this way. And you let go of the search leaves you sometimes blind for what’s right in front of you. Which is your amazing, true self.

Let go of love, let go of the hurt and focus on how great you are rather than what you did wrong or why you have been rejected or let down.

Take care of yourself. This pain you feel won’t last forever.

Xoxo

Prudence